Calibrate Monitor, check!

As I get closer to having an Honest-To-God gallery-style show of my scuba photographs, I have compiled a basic checklist of the Things That I Need To Get Done. Paramount of these was to calibrate my monitor, before I actually got the prints made.

I've been doing 8.5"x11" prints on my Epson R800 printer for over a year now, with excellent results, however I would run into situations where the colours were just a little bit off, and when it's magenta instead of royal blue... well, the effect would be just a little startling. So, I finally bit the bullet and went out to purchase the Spyder 2, from Colorvision. Probably about the cheapest calibration tool out there, it was easy to install, setup and work through the wizard... finally I can say that I have the ability to produce prints that are exactly as I see 'em on the screen. Mwah ha ha.

The next step is to finish off Photoshopping about 30 prints, which I should have done before the end of next week. At that point, I'm going to do a test run with an interent based printing service as well as a local bricks-and-mortar printer to see who will give me the best bang for the buck. The real cost in this entire endeavour will be the framing, I suspect. :-\ I'm still debating on the print size that I'm going to go with, but I'm leaning towards 16x20".

Regards,

Imp;)

The Flu...

Sucks.

/me crawls back into bed.

Shooting Pretty Girls...

... and other fun things to do on a Sunday Afternoon. :-)

Over the past few weeks I've being paying more attention to shooting more than just the usual scuba diving photos. A good friend in Toronto has been shooting her friends for some time, and invited me along. It was only fair I suspect, since she wanted to use most of my lighting gear and even a lens or two.

The model was a girl named Andrea, and though she's not doing any modelling nowadays, she used to. Now she's a stay at home mum and does the odd Makeup Artist gig. It was a good afternoon, but it's very aparent that with two photographers, we needed one more model at least... maybe even two more, so they could take breaks. Still and all, I'm starting to get some decent results. I would like to figure out how to make some of the space in my house more ammenable to shooting, but unfortunately it's one of those houses that are very narrow and very long. :-
Ah well, guess I'll have to go rent a studio in January. :-D

Ciao,

Mark :)  

Short Vacations & Other Blasphemies

Sharky,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

I was on a boat, in the Bahamas from November 26th through December 3rd… and while scuba diving is definitely one of my favourite things in the world to be doing (right after sex and before shooting {firearms, you perverts!}), ;-) I think that maybe doing 5 dives a day may be a trifle excessive. By the end of the trip you are somewhat exhausted. The daily schedule is something like this:

7:00 - wake up. Morning ablutions, and prepare dSLR camera for first dive (housing, o-rings, CF card, strobe charge, etc.).
8:00 - breakfast! Mmmmm… fooooooood.
9:00 - Dive! Dive! Dive!
9:45 ish - snack, prepare camera for second dive (change out CF card, download to portable hard drive, etc.).
10:30 ish - Dive! Dive! Dive!
11:45 ish - shower, change into dry clothes, prepare camera for third dive (change out CF card, download to portable hard drive, etc.).
12:00 ish - Lunch! :-D Mmmmmmmm… food.
2:00 ish - Dive! Dive! Dive!
3:30 ish - snack, prepare camera for fourth dive (change out CF card, download to portable hard drive, etc.).
4:00 ish - Dive! Dive! Dive!
5:00 ish - shower, change into dry clothes, prepare camera for fifth dive (change out CF card, download to portable hard drive, etc.).
6:00 ish - Dinner! Mmmmmm…. Food.
7:00 ish - Night Dive! Night Dive! Night Dive!
8:00 ish - shower, change into dry clothes, change out camera CF card, download to portable hard drive, etc.
8:30-11:00 ish - Drink rum.
11:00 ish - 7:00 sleep. Mmmmm….. Sleep.

So, after 5.5 days of diving, you've done some 27 dives and are more than ready to come home. The plus side is that your liver needs the rest that going back to work will bring. :-) Even better, you've lost 5 lbs from all the friggen finning you've done over the week. :-)

Weather was nice… 27-30 Celsius all week. :-) Weather back home is… -7. Grrrr...

Getting back to work is never fun though, especially when there has been a re-org in your absence. The job is still there, but I'm part of a team now… oye vey, didn't anyone write down in my file, "Does not play well with others!"? I'm pretty sure that we addressed this as far back as Kindergarten. ;-)

I have to move from my alpha-cube/real-estate to some yet-to-be-determined cubicle-from-hell, in order to be close to my new team. *shudder* I'll give it a go… not exactly like I was given a choice, but I always find it somewhat disconcerting that management needs to keep trying to fix that which isn't broken; that is what has slowly happened to the group I worked with over the past 5 years. I should write a book on it… "When M&A's Become Your Doom" … oh hell, I'm sure Scott Adams (Dilbert) has already take care of that for me. :-
Anyways… happy holidays and all that good stuff.

Regards,

Imp;)

Isle of Arran & Other Lighting Tests

isle of arran,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

It's been a rough day. I need to get home and have a drink. Oye friggen vey.

JUST kidding. Sheesh. Hopefully Mom hasn't found this blog... she'll think I'm a bloody alcoholic.

Actually, I got a some pro lighting equip for my camera setup the other day, and didn't have a lot of stuff available to use for subject matter. Still life is good an all but you can only take so many pictures of oranges and apples, pears and bananas. Thankfully, I have a few drinking accoutrements that I can gracefully substitute and ensure a (hic!) smooth photoshoot...

Regards,

Imp;)

Lest We Forget

Theo van Gogh (July 23, 1957 – November 2, 2004)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theo_van_Gogh_(film_director)#Van_Gogh.27s_murder

Van Gogh was murdered in the early morning of Tuesday November 2, 2004, in Amsterdam in front of the Amsterdam East borough office (stadsdeelkantoor) on the corner of the Linnaeusstraat and Tweede Oosterparkstraat streets. He was shot with eight bullets from a HS2000 (a handgun produced in 2000 in Croatia) and died on the spot. His throat was slit, and he was then stabbed in the chest. Two knives were left implanted in his torso, one pinning a five-page note to his body. The note (Text) threatened Western governments, Jews and Hirsi Ali (who went into hiding). The note also contains references to the ideologies of the Egyptian organization Takfir wal-Hijra.

Montréal Rocks!

Rue de Sherbrooke,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

I was in Montreal, Quebec for Wed / Thurs / Fri of last week. It was a 'team meeting' that consisted of a day of meetings, with much team building (drinking) thrown in. The night before... the night of... the hangover on Friday... etc. ;)

I had never been to Montreal before... hell, I had never been to Quebec before. This is not due so much to a dislike for Quebec as simply a lack of opportunity. There was always something else to do or see closer to Alberta... or Toronto... or Nassau... ;-)

The women in Montreal are without peer. They have this certain attitude about them that makes them positively alluring. Ask any guy that has been to Montreal, and he'll say the same thing. Montreal girls kick ass. :-) Sorry Toronto, but I'm going back...

So, thursday night devolves into drunken debauchery on Crescent Street. A $900.00 dinner (granted, there were 10 of us) Karaoke in the bar with hot Montreal girls... then closing out the night at 3 am at an exotic entertainment club called Kama Sutra. Yeah, good time all around.

Au revoir.

Mark ;)

Yaghans round the world blog

Yaghans round the world blog

Yep. That's what I would want to do, someday...

Mark

Industrial Weekend...

Everyone's Favourite Abandoned Space...,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

It was a pretty uneventful weekend, even though it was the Canadian version of Thanksgiving on Monday. Hey, when you live 3000 klicks from any of your blood relatives, you tend to order in Chinese food on major holidays... ;-)

I did get out to shoot some pics over the weekend, however. On Sunday afternoon, I went down to the Don Valley Brickworks... an abandoned industrial complex used in the past to well, build bricks. :-) The space is very surreal, with kilns and rail-tracks embedded in the floors evoking darker, forbodeing thoughts of times past.

More photos in the series can be seen here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/imperium/sets/1104998/

I need to go back here some morning and I have to take my tripod with me; everything in the gallery is hand-held, and suffers because of it... iso 3200 not withstanding.

Regards,

Mark :)

Michael Yon : Online Magazine: The Battle For Mosul IV

Michael Yon : Online Magazine: The Battle For Mosul IV

There goes the budget... And VW is evil; watch 'em.

Aluminum Rose...,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

VW's are great cars, especially in this day and age of high gasoline prices. I've owned a Volkswagen Golf GLS Turbocharged Direct-Injection (TDI) diesel car since 2001, and overall, I've been very happy with it. Indeed, you would even have to call me a smug-bastard whenever gasoline gets above 90 cents / litre; though diesel is now comparable / litre, I continue to get WAY better mileage.

The do have their downsides, however. Like all vehicles, you have to do the maintenance, and VW's oil changes for the TDI mandate a premium synthetic. As well, at some point I'm going to have to get the timing belt replaced, which will be a nice $900.00 bill... this normally happens between 96k and 125k kilometres. Still, it's not that bad; you know that one is coming and can budget for it.

Last week, I had to take my car in for it's 80k service, which is an oil-change and tire-rotation. Now, I KNEW I had to get new tires this fall, so I had sorta been expecting that. What I didn't expect was to have to replace both front wheel bearings.

Quote 1 (tires): $155 ea, plus 15% tax.

Quote 2 (wheel bearings): $697.00 all in, bearings, labour and tax.

Sooo... thank you very much, and walk away to think about this one for a couple of days.

I ended up getting way better tires than what they were trying to foist off on me for $125.00 installed, plus tax ea. How much better? On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the best, I've got 9.8's; they were trying to give me 6's. Bastards.

The wheel bearing issue was vexing... I'm a city driver. I don't take my VW Golf diesel out 4x4ing. Why did both front bearings show a predisposition to failure at the same time, at the relatively young mileage of 80K KM? They couldn't answer me that question, though they agreed that it was suspicious that both would be going at the same time.

So off I went (they were really noisy, not quite terminal). I came back the next day with two written estimates to replace the bearings from other mechanics, though not VW dealerships. They were comparable at around $499.00 plus tax. The VW service associate was more than happy to meet their price.

Moral of the story? Never trust mechanics / dealerships / sales associates (myself excepted of course!) and never pay retail for anything other than food and booze.

Regards,

Mark ;)

Time to get wet...

The Closeup...,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

The tail-end of September is my least favourite time of the year. I'm always right in the middle of our fiscal year end, which means that all the stress in the world is happening at work. Long hours, sadistic management, quotas from hell, that sort of thing.

That is why it is pretty much guaranteed that I will have booked a fall / winter scuba trip by this point... really, it's cheaper than therapy! ;)

November 26th to December 3rd... Exumas!

www.aquacatcruises.com

102' luxury yacht, 5 dives a day, nitrox, and all you can eat and drink.

Life is good, don't forget to live it.

Regards,

Imp;)

14 Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See...

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.

Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

The proctologist called...they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have any film.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.

Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

If you can read this..I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!!

This guy says it all... read, and THINK about it.

Bill Whittle wrote something over on Eject! Eject! Eject! that everyone should read.

Yeah, you too Michael. :-) And DEFINATELY YOU, Bonnie. :-)

This should be required reading for every reporter, for every politician, and indeed for every single person going into highschool. Hell, maybe elementary, if they 'get it' early enough...

TRIBES

Regards,

Imp;-)

And they're out...

From the National Post:

Canadians find own way home
'It was just terror': Six tourists tired of Ottawa's unmet promises of help

James Cowan
National Post
September 6, 2005

Stranded among garbage and corpses outside a New Orleans shopping mall, a group of Canadians exhausted by threats of armed looters, dwindling supplies and unmet promises of rescue took a drastic step: They ran for it.

After waiting days for help to arrive after Hurricane Katrina struck, the six tourists left their encampment outside the Riverwalk Marketplace on Saturday, dashing through ravaged streets to a government checkpoint and finally boarding one of the hundreds of buses leaving the city. The tourists left the relative safety of their perch on top of an elevated walkway after concluding that help promised by the Canadian government was never going to arrive.

"Every light we saw, we thought it was them. We were expecting some Canadian government official saying: 'You're going home,' " Jay Weir, a member of the group, told the National Post. "Finally, I said, 'I'm sick of being lied to,' and we just ran for it."

.... And that really says it all.

Welcome back guys...

Regards,

Mark

New Orleans Update

They somehow got a 1 minute call out to their parents this morning.

1) Location: Bridge Entrance to Riverwalk, N.O.

2) 10 Canadians including Jay & Karen (my friends / co-workers).

3) Conditions 'desparate' ie, get us the fuck out of here.

4) They have apparently assisted in the delivery of a baby, on the freeway on-ramp.

5) An Australian couple that was with them was evac'ed by an Aussie news team. Good on 'em.

6) They've had only water since Monday, though there is an unconfirmed report from the relative of one of the other CDN couples that they may have gotten some food and water this AM. Unconfirmed.

7) We have staff from other offices that can get to the perimeter to pick up, however the problem remains how to get them from their current location to the perimeter.

8) We have contacted all national canadian media outlets to see if it's possible to any of their in-country staff do an evac ala the Aussies.

9) We have been in close and urgent contact with the CDN consulate and the Department of Foreign Affairs & International Trade.

I'm getting this all from a person that spoke to a parent that spoke to Jay... so there is likely some innacuracies. Other pieces of the info we are getting from relatives of the other CDN's in their group.

Pray. Unless any of y'all can get them a helicopter ride on short notice.

Regards,

Mark

New Orleans... Pray.

The scale of the tragedy unfolding in New Orleans almost defies belief... as North Americans, we're very smug in our complacency that things like this do not happen here. We've raised NIMBYism to an artform, and that includes natural disasters. North America is the safe part of the world; here, civilized behavior is the standard. Lawlessness is not something that we have to worry about all that much. Until now. Looting, shooting at cops and rescue workers, relief helicopters. This is a good example of how it seems that our technology is what makes us civilized isn't it?

I have two co-workers that got caught down in N.O.L.A. The last word from them was back on Tuesday morning when we learned that they were moved to the Superdome (ala Superdorm). We all heaved a collective sigh of relief, surely if there was anyplace in NOLA that the authorities would ensure was kept in control it would be this place. Now, it looks like that relief was premature... at least until the Guard reaches it in useful numbers and can restore order.

Worst case scenario? The mind shudders away from the thought... but you have to think that 60,000 plus people are in that area, and without adequate supplies of fresh water... the magic 72 hours are almost gone.

I've already donated to the Red Cross; there is not much else that one can do when you're this far from the disaster. I hope that the massive relief efforts reach the people most in need as soon as possible.

God Bless, and Regards,

Mark

Southern Alberta is Revolting... Yay!

God, I love Brooks... :-D,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

Back from a 10 day trip back to my home province... and I have to say, that the rural southerners are NOT at all happy with the state of affairs in this country. :-)

Time to break Confederation like a stick and build something better west of Ontario. ;)

Imp;)

And then there were none...

'Smokey' Smith died today. He was the last living Canadian whom had won the Victoria Cross.

CitationThe London Gazette, 20th December 1944

'In Italy on the night of 21st-22nd October 1944, a Canadian Infantry Brigade was ordered to establish a bridgehead across the Savio River. The Seaforth Highlanders of Canada were selected as the spearhead of the attack, and in weather most unfavourable to the operation they crossed the river and captured their objective in spite of strong opposition from the enemy.

Torrential rain had caused the Savio River to rise six feet in five hours, and as the soft vertical banks made it impossible to bridge the river no tanks or anti-tank guns could be taken across the raging stream to the support of the rifle companies.

As the right forward company was consolidating its objective it was suddenly counter-attacked by a troop of three Mark V Panther tanks supported by two self-propelled guns and about thirty infantry and the situation appeared hopeless.

Under heavy fire from the approaching enemy tanks, Private Smith, showing great initiative and inspiring leadership, led his P.I.A.T.(1) Group of two men across an open field to a position from which the P.I.A.T. could best be employed. Leaving one man on the weapon, Private Smith crossed the road with a companion and obtained another P.I.A.T. Almost immediately an enemy tank came down the road firing its machine-guns along the line of the ditches. Private Smith's comrade was wounded. At a range of thirty feet and having to expose himself to the full view of the enemy, Private Smith fired the P.I.A.T. and hit the tank, putting it out of action. Ten German infantry immediately jumped off the back of the tank and charged him with Schmeissers and grenades. Without hesitation Private Smith moved out on the road and with his Tommy gun at point-blank range, killed four Germans and drove the remainder back. Almost immediately another tank opened fire and more enemy infantry closed in on Smith's position. Obtaining some abandoned Tommy gun magazines from a ditch, he steadfastly held his position, protecting his comrade and fighting the enemy with his Tommy gun until they finally gave up and withdrew in disorder.

One tank and both self-propelled guns had been destroyed by this time, but yet another tank swept the area with fire from a longer range. Private Smith, still showing utter contempt for enemy fire, helped his wounded friend to cover and obtained medical aid for him behind a nearby building. He then returned to his position beside the road to await the possibility of a further enemy attack.

No further immediate attack developed, and as a result the battalion was able to consolidate the bridgehead position so vital to the success of the whole operation, which led to the capture of San Giorgio Di Cesena and a further advance to the Ronco River.

Thus, by the dogged determination, outstanding devotion to duty and superb gallantry of this private soldier, his comrades were so inspired that the bridgehead was held firm against all enemy attacks, pending the arrival of tanks and anti-tank guns some hours later.'

God Bless and Rest in Peace Smokey.

Regards,

Imp;)

If WWII was an RTS...

(real time strategy game)

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.
**Eisenhower has joined the game.
**paTTon has joined the game.
**Churchill has joined the game.
**benny-tow has joined the game.
**T0J0 has joined the game.
**Roosevelt has joined the game.
**Stalin has joined the game.
**deGaulle has joined the game.
*Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarsstru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*

English Sense of Humour...

English Sense of Humour,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

God Bless 'em.

Regards,

Imp;)

This, That, and the Other Thing...

Just a quick update, as I realize that like most people, the summer is making it really difficult to keep up a day-to-day posting schedule!

I'm a divemaster now, my PADI number is 210902! :-) And I was up in Tobermory, Ontario this weekend working with a very large class of Open Water students. Lots of fun, but definitely exhausting!

I've been interviewing people for the room that I have to let out for rent... nothing yet, though the girl that came by last night looked reasonably promising. We'll see. It's a crap shoot regardless; references are so easy to fake nowadays.

Work is far busier than it should be for being at the end of July; our summers are normally a little slack; these make-work projects are a cast-iron-pain-in-the-ass!

I'm off from Aug. 4-14th in Alberta for the usual summer Recharge-The-Redneck-Batteries trip. A combination of shooting small animals, drinking hideous amounts of beer, and visiting with friends and relatives. As well, it's my 15 year high-school reunion... oy vey.

And that's about it. Hope y'alls summer is going well.

Regards,

Imp;)

About fscking time...

Last night I submitted the paperwork for my PADI Divemaster certification.

Woot!

Regards,

mark :-)

The Waome, Lake Muskoka

Dive Site Map, The Waome,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

This past Sunday, I did two dives on the Waome, a single-screw steamer that sunk in a storm on October 6th, 1934. Three souls perished in the sinking, with the remainder of the crew managing to swim to a nearby island.

The water in Lake Muskoka is the colour of strong tea; tannin has leached into the water from the surrounding geography; any dive on the Waome needs to be treated as a night dive; bring your lights!

This map (which I hope is good enough) is for submitting with my Divemaster paperwork; this project one other I have completed. This leaves my medical signoff, two passport photos, and a 400 yrd swim! :-)

All. Most. Finished.

How am I going to celebrate? I would LIKE to stay dry for two weeks, but alas, I'm up to Toby next weekend... ;-)

Regards,

Imp;)

Mother of God, I'm out of shape...

Part of the Divemaster program is to do 800 yards of snorkelling, at full speed, timed and scored. So, mask, fins and snorkel, but jaysus it's not as easy as it sounds. Did this today after work... so it's done.

Friday night, the 400 yard timed free-swim. eeeek.

After THAT, I've only got left three things to get checked off:

• Divemaster conducted programs (ie, dive briefing. piece of cake).
• Mapping of a divesite I've not ever done. Should be easy. Diving the Waome on Sunday. Two dives.
• Medical signoff. Again, shouldn't be an issue; my Dr.'s a scubadiver. He Understands.

It's been almost two months since I started this friggen thing now... if I can get this done this weekend, I'll actually get PAID to do this shit, next weekend! :-)

Regards,

Imp;-)

The Divemaster program is almost done...

... and I really, really mean it this time! ;-)

Two weekends back, I went up to Tobermory, Ontario to do the Internship portion of my Divemaster program. It was a long weekend up here, so I went up early on the Friday in order to get a dive or two in beforehand. There are two dives in Tobermory that are somewhat-famed for the number of divers that do not return to the surface; Forest City and Arabia. *cue the ominous music!*

We loaded up the boat, and off we went; an afternoon charter where the most 'novice' diver had his Rescue certification, and the most senior was a Master Instructor (many times over). To make a long story short, the weather didn't co-operate with the dive on the Arabia; current and a 6 foot chop make for a dicey re-entry onto the dive boat, especially when it was only equipped with a hydraulic lift for getting back on the boat, not a ladder. And so we did two dives over at the Forest City, sheltered in the lee of Bear's Rump Island.
I'm buddied up with "G" and "P", two of my instructors (a divemaster-candidate is, I'm told, properly referred to as "instructor's biatch"), who obviously regard this as a rite-of-passage.
We went deep; it's an advanced dive, and cold too; my computer was beeping at me to pee in the water, on the off chance that the temp would reach up to something higher than 43F. Smart computer. I'm not saying how deep we went; however we didn't go into deco, so it's all good. ;-)

The second dive on Forest City was also uneventful, however during the surface interval, there was a cute little instructress by the name of L.P. who contributed to the weekend's entertainment. Now, her last name doesn't actually start with a P; it describes what she smelled like back on the boat after she had peed in her wetsuit during the first dive. 8-\ With her wetsuit so tight, the pee had nowhere to go, so when she peeled out of her suit back on the boat... we all went, "Eeeewwwww!?!??!" During the surface interval, she was banished to the upper deck, and ruthlessly ribbed the whole weekend.

This brings us to Saturday and Sunday, the actual divemaster internship portion of the weekend.

Saturday, I was with the Open Water divers; that is, scuba divers that had passed their pool work, and academics but not yet done their four certification dives. Sunday, I was with the Advanced Open Water divers; that is, divers whom were already certified as Open Water divers, but wanted to do more advanced training to allow them greater range of diving opportunities.

Saturday dawned clear but cool, and for the first dive, I had shore duty; while the students lounged about, eating breakfast and what nought, I was down at the shore-divesite, ensuring that there were enough parking spots and reserving space on the platform for our group to get geared-up. See the pattern here? A DMIT (divemaster in training) is nothing but an Instructor's Biatch. ;-) However, I only had to freeze for a little bit before the group showed up.
Shore duty consisted of helping people get geared up, collecting log information, and generally being available to help out. Ideally, I would also be suited up in a wetsuit, with Mask, Fins and Snorkel ready to go, in case we needed to do any emergency work. First dive, no problems, though the group beside us was probably not adhering to PADI standards; one of our instructors was going to do something about that discretely.

After dive 1 had ended, I had to rush to the diveshop to get some tanks filled, and then give a student a lift out to the next divesite, Dave's Bay. Nothing much in Dave's Bay... some rocks. A fish or two whom were obviously lost, and a 'young-sand' beach, ie, painfully sized rocks. Dive two, I was in the water, again no major issues, though a couple were having problems with paying attention to the instructor and being properly weighted (if you don't have enough lead on you, or lose your weight belt at depth, basically you become a cork and rocket to the surface, embolizing in the process). This is what you get when you wrap yourself in 1/2 inch of neoprene rubber!

The next dive was a night dive... I'm buddied up with Instructor P, the hmmm... dominant instructor here this weekend (I think it's a pre-requisite to be an Instructor, you must also be a type-A). We're shepherding two buddy pairs from the advanced course, one of which is having no issues, and one of which is obviously in over their heads, pardon the pun.
That's not a big deal really; that's what you do as a DM or Instructor; get people over the hump and comfortable at their new skill level. Water viz is maybe about 20 ft, though the glow from the lights of the instructor and the students ahead is visible for a good 60. However, R & S, the couple that I'm babysitting start Having Issues. She doesn't like to scubadive without holding his hand, and he's got buoyancy issues, so he's dragging her up and down like a yo yo. Later on I found out that without her glasses, she can't see 5 feet in front of her face. Oy friggen vey. So, by the time I get them settled down and comfortable at depth, the light of the instructor and the other two AOW students have disappeared into the murk. Great.
I then spend the next ten minutes trying to find 'em; I'm pretty sure I was seeing a glow towards the end, but that's when the buoyancy issues of R&S show up again, and we end up on the surface for the last time. Frick. And now, R doesn't have enough lead to get down, as he's burned through his tank of air pretty quickly, and probably started about 5 lbs underweight. The air in your full scuba tank is about 5 lbs... so there is no way I'm getting him neutrally buoyant again. :-\ Surface swim back into the shore, reassuring them all the way.

We're back on killer beach (friggen rocks the size of small ponies), trying to gear down in the dark, being eaten alive by mosquitoes and having tonnes of fish flies trying to swim up your nose. Joy.

Back to the motel; I need a beer, a smoke, and a rubdown by a redhead in a bikini. Two out of three is damn near good enough. Sleep of the just.

The next day dawns warmer, sunny and beautiful; things should be better today as I'm diving with the Advanced Open Water group. These guys have training, right? These guys have their OW certs down and probably have done some diving right? They shouldn't have any problem with skills, right? *sob* It doesn't take long at all after breakfast, for R&S (they of the disastrous night dive) to make their escape. I can't say that I blame them; there were issues with skills and with gear, but still it's our job to get them through, and that they left means that we failed. :-\ The rest of the day can only get better right? Ha!

First dive of the day is the King; a tug that went down on a winter's night storm at the start of the 20th century. I'm first in the water, where I put a hang-tank on the mooring line at 15 feet for safety stops... a just-in-case manoeuvre if anyone is running out of air at the end of their dive.
I'm with instructor W, we have four students with us; one buddy pair that is doing decently and another father / son pair that is having issues. The kid (J) is about 13, but has the body mass of a 10 year old I think... definitely too cold for him as it's always hard to find good-fitting exposure suits for smaller children. He has issues equalizing on the way down, and he calls his dive; I sit on the line at 40ft with the other three students while W takes J up to the surface. W comes back, we do the dive down to 65 ft, and then back on board, no other issues, other than the students STILL are having buoyancy issues. :-
The last dive of their weekend is the Niagara II. It's a small freighter that has been purposely sunk as a dive site, and is in very good shape indeed. There are penetration routes all through the ship, but given that we haven't taught a specific penetration course, the students are not to be going down that path... ;-)

Again, I'm first in the water, putting on the hang tank. I also notice that YOU CAN SEE THE FRIGGEN THERMOCLINE FROM THE SURFACE. That's a good indicator that the water below the thermo is going to be so cold that you can forget about having sex for about a week afterwards, it's so friggen cold.

Anyways, same buddy teams as before, with the exception that we buddied the kid (J) up with L.P. ;-) The theory being that if the kid is having issues, then perhaps we should have him with an instructor all by himself, so that he gets the individual attention that he needs.

I'm buddied up with his father, and we're almost the last two guys in the water. We're following the line down, and we're at 26ft when we encounter the kid and Laura doing an ascent up the line. I could see the kid wasn't doing good... he was starting to do short, panicky type movements that usually are an indicator that things are going to hit the fan. Sure enough, he panics. He spits out his regulator, and starts flailing around. He throws his mask off, and then grabs his instructor's reg, ripping it out of her mouth. At this point, her reg starts free-flowing... essentially venting all the air in her tank in a continuous stream, killing any visibility. I grab my alternate regulator, and try and put it in the kids' mouth, but he won't take it. Allright. Time to leave.
I grab his tank valve and start heading to the surface; the instructor is on the other side of him. I'm assuming that she's working on getting some air for herself at this point as well. About 5-10 feet below the surface, the kid just goes limp. I can see his eyes, blank, and staring off into the blue. This is the most freaky thing that I have ever experienced in my life, I'll have you know. We break the surface, I grab the kid's inflator, and get him positively buoyant, and myself as well. I'm towing him like a sunnovabitch towards the boat, while the instructor is telling the captain what to do, ie, call for help. At this point, the kid twitches, and says, "Am I dead?" No, thank god, little buddy.

We get him back on board, wrap him in blankets, and take him through some questions to determine if he's embolized or not... not. Thank god.
The combination of the very low temp and the ill-fitting suit, combined with the low body mass made him panic. Could happen to anyone. But his surfaces still equal his descents by god, so it's all good!

He and his father (who was excellent through the whole thing) have done additional pool work since to brush up on skills. One of the funny parts in this was overhearing the dad tell the son... "I don't know if we should tell your mum about this or not..." lol No kidding. I don't know either. ;-)

Anyways, that was my trip to Tobermory for my Divemaster internship. Alls well that ends well! I'm up there again weekend after next, getting paid for this shit.

Regards,

Imp;)

You might be a Jedi... The Canadian Version

You Might Be A Jedi If...(the “canadian” version)

-You are still in the queue for your cyborg hand.

-You keep voting for the evil emperor because "it's better the devil you know".

-Due to budget cuts, your army now consists of Jar Jar Binks and 3 thermal detonators.

-Chewbacca and Han Solo are legally married.

-You got arrested because you forgot to register your light saber.

-You don't have to worry about Jabba the Hut because he died of mad cow disease.

-You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with you, eh."

-You have ever used the force to influence hockey games.

-The majority of your fellow Jedi vote "dark side" (especially the Ontario and Toronto ones).

-You think the ice world of Hoth "ain't so cold".

-You can't actually use you light saber because it has to have a saber lock on it at all times and be locked inside a saber safe with the light in a separate locked receptacle.

-All your spacecraft have all been grounded due to the KYOTO agreement.

-You were refused a position on the Jedi council because weren't fluently bilingual.

-Your Ewoks build dams.

-You believe the Death Star is only destroying planets because of its history of poverty, and if you are nice to it, it will go away.

-All pod racing advertising contracts went to friends of the Emperor.

-You have used your lightsaber as a source of heat.

-You have used your lightsaber to cut the blocks of ice for your ice diving... (a minor change here)

-You have sliced open a moose to escape the harsh cold of the average Canadian winter.

-Your lightsaber has a bottle opener on it.

-The storm troopers raiding your home and place of business wear red serge.

Regards,

Imp;-)

If they're going to continue their Jihad, when do we get to go Crusading?

I'm kidding of course... I am civilised enough to realise that this isn't a war on the Christian world; it only feels like it.

What this is though, is the continuation of a war that Islam has been waging ever since the Moors were thrown out of Spain. They have tried to militarily defeat civilisation time and time again... and they know they cannot do it. And so what alternative do they use? They use the moderate factions of Islam to take countries over from within. A case in point here is Syria, Egypt, and Lebanon; all countries that were predominately Christian before being taken over by Islam. How soon shall we reach the point where we are calling that land mass across the Pond Eurabia? Ask the French, Dutch and Belgians if that is a concern for them.

With regards to the terrorism and violence, if the moderates of Islam continue to protest their innocence; that they are indeed a faith of peace, then they must stop being passive in their combating of the islamofascists in their midst. They must take the lead in combating and educating their own; they must move their religion beyond the 6th century, and remove the levers that can be used to degrade their faith into a cult of death. They now remain in danger of all being branded as barbarians, unless they face this truth.

If they do not? At some point, the Western world is going to have no choice but to embrace the Zero-Option. And yes, accept the moral decision that leaves us with an ocean of blood on our hands. It is that, or let Civilisation slide down into the abyss of corruption, blood, bondage and slavery that has become Wahhabinist Islam. To embrace that flavour of Islam is to turn humanity's back on all achievements for the past 1500 years. That is not an option; we shall fight it unto the end of our days.

On another web-board that I read, someone said something very appropriate, I'll reproduce it here, though not entirely verbatim:

My heart goes out to the people of London, and the United Kingdom, in this hour of trial and pain, death and destruction.

My sword goes out to the criminal perpetrators; those cowards who are unable to grasp the concepts of honour, civilisation, tolerance, rationality, and justice.

After WWII, and the death of six million Jews, not a single person who has intelligence and a sense of right and wrong, will not embrace the statement, "We are all now Jews."

After the genocide in Rwanda and the death of 800,000 people there is not a person alive who should not be ready to intervene in a meaningful way; to shield such people from those who would exterminate them; if 800K is not enough, how many are? For allowing that to occur, the UN should be brought down to it's knees; it failed in it's primary mandate, never again means NEVER AGAIN. It then went on to bilk billions from the Iraqui Oil-for-Food program. Parasite.

After 9/11, we have all become Americans; if you had a sense of compassion, justice and honour, you stand with them and support the war on terror; after all, soldiers are always needed to stand against the darkness and kick at it until it bleeds daylight.
Certain western countries have forgotton this; my own has probably not forgotton but chooses the course of Chamberlain because our leaders are spineless and weak, interested only in winning the next election.

After July 7th? We have all become Great Britons; we must become Juggernaut, implacable in our purpose, for the Islamo-fascists merit nothing but death. We must hunt them down to the ends of this earth, eradicate their physical existence, harry their creed, destroy their medieval movement, and salt the very earth which sustains them.

The alternative is not an option.

Regards,

Imp.

We the willing...

We the willing, lead by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little, that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

Anonymous, but classic...

Regards,

Imp;)

Why men wear earrings...

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him>to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

BF2 Fscking Rocks! :-)

It took a little bit of convincing, but finally my conscience gave into my repeated demands for a new video card... mwah ha ha ha. The ATI Radeon X800 Pro is 256mb of sweet v-card candy that give you an atavistic thrill the second you hear it's multibladed fan spin up like the engine in an F-16 fighter... S W E E T ! ! ! :-D

And, Battlefield 2 simply rocks. There is no other way to describe this game. You're running, driving, or flying around fragging others from around the world... and yes, being fragged in turn. Hopefully less than you're doing... lol

Two thumbs up; gladly would it give it more praise had I but more thumbs!

Regards,

Imp;-)

Divemaster; The End is Nigh...

So, this weekend I finished up the academic portion of my Divemaster certification. Two weekends, 7 tests (lowest mark was 85%, highest 100%) and a crapload of work in the pool.

Now that this is all done, I have only the Internship, as well as the stamina portions to go.

Wish me luck; the stamina ones especilly. 400 metres freeswimming is worse than it sounds. :-\

Regards,

Imp;)

The iPod Shuffle Rocks...

There is something so surreal about sitting in the office, having the iPod Shuffle plugged into my computer speakers... and having Iron Maiden follow Patsy Cline in a playlist... ;-)

Regards,

Imp;)

Calm

Calm,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

Fridays always inspire this massively impressive feeling of calm and tranquility. No matter how bad the day goes (and I have a performance review this afternoon!), in only a few more hours, I'll be sitting on my back deck, sipping on a beer, puffing on a good cigar, and contemplating the nature of the three hottie college girls that live across the alley. ;) Just kidding. I normally sit out on the front deck anyways.

This weekend is going to be another busy one. The Divemaster course continues; I should have the acedemics done by Saturday afternoon, that will leave naught but a few skills left to show, and the dreaded 400 metre free-swim with time limit. :-| Methinks I need to get my ass into the pool for some practice. :-\

Well, no rest for the wicked, nor for those of us whom support their efforts. ;-)

Regards,

Imp;)

Send in the Hot Nekkid Chicks! ;-)

I have been living completely alone now for about four years now, unless of course you count the cat. I find myself thinking that since the Australian Thing™ fell through, and I'm going to be staying in Toronto for the foreseeable future, I should probably look at getting a roommate.

Currently, I am renting a 3-bedroom house in an area of Toronto called the Studio District. This is where pretentious left-wing moonbats work on low-budget and no-budget movie and television shows. It's also the riding of Jack Layton, which makes me one of only three Conservatives in the area, but I digress...

There is also a basement apartment in the house, where in fact I used to live, and I'm responsible for keeping it rented out, collecting the rent, etc. So, naturally enough, I have the master bedroom to myself, and I've turned the smallest bedroom into an office. That leaves the bedroom at the end of the hall, and while it's not huge, by Toronto standards it's fairly decent. I was originally thinking that I would turn it into a bit of a photography studio, but am being entranced by the thought of having someone pay me $600 / month to stay there... ok, I will take $500/month if she is a supermodel going to chef school, but then I've always found it a good thing to remain flexible. ;-)

So, last night I went and crafted an ad to post on www.roomates.com; they do in fact have a Canuck section, and while I'm not going to hold out for a Supermodel, I'll at least aim for someone with decent hygiene and no criminal record. ;-)

I'll have to remember to take some photos of the place tonight to post.

Regards,

Imp;)

The incredibly re-appearing Minolta...

Long story... sorry. ;-)

It was the middle of last summer and some friends of mine whom are newbie divers wanted to go diving/camping up in Tobermory, Ontario. We filled up the cars with appropriate dive and camping gear, and off we went on a nice balmy friday afternoon. We set up our tents / campsite, and headed out to the divestore in downtown Tobermory the next morning. I was the most experienced diver with about 60 dives under my belt at the time.

My friends get kitted out with rental gear, and we head down to the harbour to load onto the boat.

Now, I was buddied up with 'B', a wee slip of a lass whom, while she WAS an experienced diver, had never dived locally in Ontario, which can have temps well down in the 40's, even into the summer, under the thermoclines. She had about 50 dives, IIRC. She also had an exotic 'adventure' dive while getting certified down in Aus, but this IS a family-friendly board, so that story will remain untold. ;-)

My friend 'M' was buddied up with 'C', and friends of theirs, 'D' and 'L', were buddied up as well.
'M' has always had a bit of a thing for photography, and so had bought a housing for his tiny Minolta credit-card type P&S digital camera. The housing attached to his wrist by a shoe-lace thickness lanyard. I distinctly remember telling him to get a snappy coil at some point.

Anyways, long story short(er), the first dive site was a bit of a mess; 'B' had no issues whatsoever in cold water, while 'C', 'L' and 'D' were complete and utter idjiots. newbie divers whom were barely post-certified, and I'm not entirely sure that they even should have been after seeing them in the water.

During the Fun & Games at the surface, 'C' kicked 'M's camera with a fin... causing the lanyard to snap, and off into the darkness of Georgian Bay sinks the $800 CDN camera/housing combo.

After we got the skill-impaired back onto the boat, 'M', 'B' and myself did a cursory search, but alas, no camera to be found. 'M' wanted me to drop my camera so we could see where it ended up but I graciously declined. ;-)

We went on to the second and third dives of the day, however we changed the original plan in order to make them in nice, shallow and protected bays where there were still some wrecks. More importantly, the conditions were as benign as possible as we had a impromptu Basic Scuba Skills clinic. (On a side note, this is probably what motivated me more than anything towards getting my Rescue and now Divemaster ratings, which I'm now about halfway through... DMIT! :-D

Interesting weekend all around, including the games of 'I Never' around the campfire in the evening, but I digress... 'M' ends up buying the exact same camera and housing again, though I swear I tried to talk him into something in the Canon or Olympus lines. *sigh*

Fast forward to yesterday, almost a year later.

This spring, while putting down the moorings for the various wrecks up at Tobermory (Fathom Five Underwater Reserve), a dive shop came across 'M's camera... scratched up to be sure after spending almost a year on the bottom in the rocks and silt and mud, but not flooded. They took it back to the shop, opened it up and voila! It actually turned on. Well, briefly, from what I understand. They took out the card, and looked at the pictures... 'M' had taken one of the boat before boarding, and using the time/date stamp on the file, after contacting the operator, found out whom had chartered the boat that weekend. And, so 'M' gets a phone call yesterday. And I get an email that starts out "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

I think he should contact Minolta... that's a customer success story if I've ever heard one. ;-)

Regards,

Imp;)

I live in the wrong country, damnit.

I live in the wrong country, damnit.,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

Sometimes, you just have to sit back and remember one of your perfect mornings. This was one of mine, back in the Bahamas, a couple years ago.

The sun lit the sky on fire... and the rest of the day turned out damn fine too.

Regards,

Imp;)

Happiness, thy name is Patio Weather™

Some things don't work in B&W...,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

I had a very good weekend. Some friends of mine, for the sake of annonymity we'll call them M & T, were in visiting from Edmonton this past weekend. T had to do the Magazine Art Director conference most of the time, so M and I spent Thursday walking around the city with our cameras, sitting on the odd patio, drinking cold beer and watching the city walk by.

Saturday, T had finished up her conference, so we went out for brunch before heading down to Queen Street West for window shopping and more patio action. We closed the evening off with a visit to my favourite tappas bar for supper than it was off to Easy & The Fifth for more alcoholic festivities.

Oy vey, the hangovers I get now. ;-)

Sunday, I saw them off to the airport. M had left a pair of reasonably expensive shoes behind, I noticed once I had returned to my house. Given that his feet are size 13, this wasn't the windfall you'ld expect, damn him. ;) I'll have to mail 'em out to him.

As we go into the end of June, we enter one of the Hell Times™ at work. Quarter End is never fun, and the summer Quarters less so than the others. :-\

Buddy, can you spare a quarter mil?

Regards,

Imp;)

Reasonably Humourous Thing for Today™

A newfoundlander, sitting at the bar in New York City, looks at his watch several times in the space of a few minutes.

The women sitting nearby notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

No" he replies "I have this state-of -the -art watch. I was just testing it"

The intrigued women says, "A-state-of -the-art watch? Whats so special about it?"

The Newfoundlander explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says "What is it telling you now?"”Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The women giggles and replies,Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The Newfoundlander smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's running about an hour and half fast, can I buy you a drink?"

How's your taste in music?

Your Taste in Music:

80's Rock: Highest Influence

80's Pop: High Influence

90's Pop: High Influence

Classic Rock: High Influence

80's Alternative: Medium Influence

90's Alternative: Medium Influence

90's Rock: Medium Influence

Adult Alternative: Medium Influence

Hair Bands: Medium Influence

Progressive Rock: Medium Influence

80's R&B: Low Influence

90's Hip Hop: Low Influence

Alternative Rock: Low Influence

Country: Low Influence

Dance: Low Influence

Old School Hip Hop: Low Influence

Punk: Low Influence

Ska: Low Influence

How's" Your Taste in Music?

...some things work in B&W.

...some things work in B&W.,
originally uploaded by The Imp;-).

Not all shots work in B&W. Sometimes, it's a disaster; and sometimes, it works out better than you thought it would. ;) This is one of those times.

Regards,

Mark

Reasonably Humourous Thingy for Today™

The only cow in a small town in Alberta, Canada, stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Melfort, Saskatchewan, for $200. They bought the cow from Saskatchewan and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the local veterinarian, who was very wise, what to do. They told the vet what was happening.

"Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away" they said. "If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The veterinarian thinks about this for a minute and asks, "Did you buy this cow in Saskatchewan?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Saskatchewan?"

The veterinarian replied, with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Saskatchewan."

100th dive!

I had a great weekend. I'm a fairly avid scuba diver... and I hit a minor milestone on Sunday... my 100th dive!

The weather was nice, so me and my dive buddy de jour, (a cute lass named Hila) decided to go and dive the J.C. Morrison, a paddle-wheel steamer that sunk in 1854 off of Barrie, Ontario.
Viz was decent at about 30 ft, except where an Open Water class had been doing their thing (braille diving, anyone?). Water temp was 45f. That sounds colder than it is... you get used to the temps very quickly. Diving with a 7mm + 7mm hooded vest also helps. ;-) Mind you, you feel like you're the Michelin Man!

I start my Divemaster course this weekend... that is the first 'professional' rating that you can get through my certifying agency. Eventually, I hope to be a scuba instructor on the side... a great way to keep busy, and meet new people!

Regards,

Imp;-)

Reasonably Humourous Thingy of the Day™

A guy sitting at an airport bar noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant; but which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said, "Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, she doesn't work for Delta.

A few seconds later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched American Airlines off of the list.

Next he tried "I would really love to fly your friendly skies?" This time the woman barked back at him "Man, what the f... do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, "Ahhh, Air Canada".

It's like being in a Dentist's chair...

Day after day after day...

For the third time in four years, they're redoing the front stairs into the building where I work. The previous two bungled attempts being done by obvious cousins of the building maintenance guy, they have actually gone to a professional contractor this time. He's basically jack-hammering the stairs and landing into rubble so that he can re-pour the thing from scratch. I'm a firm believer in doing things right, but for the past three days, it's been nothing but a constant jack-hammer going about 20 feet from where I sit. Phone conversations with customers are incredibly painful... :-\

Went out last night after work to Chicago's Diner and had a few beer with The Crazy Finn. Being that it's right on Queen Street, the scenery is certainly top-shelf... indeed the redheaded bartendress contributes as well. :-) Stopped off at the local tappas bar on the way home for a g&t and talked Andreas into getting recertified for scuba, and to get his son certified as well; he's booked them a trip to the Galapagos Islands and wasn't going to do any diving while they were there. Yeah, the Horror. :-(

It's gorgeous out today, and it's calling for rain on the weekend... naturally. :-\ Ah well, I'll probably be diving anyways. ;-)

Regards,

Imp;-)

Reasonably Humourous Thingy of the Day (ish) ;-)

From Another Website:

A compilation on how the various DOD agencies approach a gunfight:

U.S. Marine Corps rules for gunfighting:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quick ENOUGH.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating or reloading.
14. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
15. And above all......don't drop your guard!

Navy SEALS rules for gunfighting:

1. Look very cool in the latest sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Return quickly to looking very cool in latest beach wear.
4. Check hair in mirror.

U.S. Army Rangers rules for gunfighting:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75-pound pack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75-pound pack while starving.

National Guard rules for gunfighting:

1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew combat patch on right shoulder.
3. Reconsider the color of beret you decide to wear.

US Air Force rules for gunfighting:

1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Discuss definition of "gunfight."

Navy rules for gunfighting:

1. Go to sea.
2. Drink coffee.
3. Send in the Marines