FW: Your morning chuckle

From a friend who assures me that #16 does not apply to me.

 

I'm willing to believe her of course.

 

 

Subject: 16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:

 

by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative

    on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
    has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
    would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
    never; want  you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    (I wish I had!)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
    reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests

    that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
    from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
    make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,

    religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
    we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
    person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
    Built  the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out as grapes,
    and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
    into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on

Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large

elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no

recollection of what to do with them.