Not something you would normally see, driving around Cowtown...

LW2006-5101d1 July, 2006 Calgary, AB

Corporal Tan Rickman (standing by tail) and Master Corporal Maria Vidotto (in cockpit) Aviation Technicians from 4 Wing Cold Lake watch for dangers as a CF-18 is towed under an overpass.

After the ground crew prepared the aircraft, the CF-18 Hornet from 410 Squadron, CFB Cold Lake, was towed under Calgary Police Service escort from the Calgary International Airport to the Stampede Fairgrounds. The CF-18 will remain on display as part of an expanded Canadian Forces exhibit for the duration of the 2006 Calgary Stampede.

photo by Christan Coulombe, Army News

***
Would have loved to have seen some of the expressions on people's faces as this went by on the highway... ;-)

Email to my team this am... Mwah ha ha ha™

Good Morning All,

I am on vacation from July 14th (evening of) through July 31st, returning on
August 1st.

This is your official heads-up. If you have any issues with this, lets deal with them today or tomorrow.

As usual when I am out of the office, please send any purchase orders for DM, KM etc. directly to xxxxxxxxxxxxxx and xxxxxxxxxxx for processing if they cannot wait until my return. We'll sort it out when I get back.

My out of office reply will point directly to y'all, based upon your vertical / regional responsibilities.

When submitting a orders, the mandatory information required includes:
The Customer ID #.
The PO.
The version number required.
ALL SPECIFIC INDIVIDUAL PRODUCTS THAT ARE REQUIRED.
Who the primary rep is.
Who the secondary rep is.
Who the RTM/SE is.
Ship-to and bill-to information.

I am in God's Country (Alberta) from the 14th through the 25th. I shall be drinking large amounts of cheap beer and grain-alcohol, visiting relatives that live in trailers (albeit double-wides), and probably shooting a lot of firearms of various calibres. Mostly at gophers. Maybe an antelope or two. Possibly even some deer. Bambi over a BBQ pit _is_ quite good, if a bit gamey. Unless they've been in the alfalfa fields. Again. Bastards.

In an emergency, I can be reached (intermittently) at (555) 555-5555. If I am not there, I would say that you could leave a message… except that I don't think my mother has actually gotten around to buying one of those new-fangled answering machines thingys quite yet.

I would give you my brother's phone number as an alternate contact point, but you _really_ don't want to talk to him unless you have no choice at all; I'm the sane one in the family.

Stop laughing. Really, I am.

I will not be checking voicemail on my vacation. Not. Even. Once.

I am back in Ontario for one full day, then I am driving down to Chattanooga, TN on the 27th, returning on the 31st.

This is for the yearly science fiction convention (no, we don't dress up) known as LibertyCon, where I get to visit with all of my really scary southern redneck friends (from a leftist Canadian perspective). Mad Mike may be bringing his legal .30 cal BMG (WWII era machine gun); happiness is apparently a belt-fed weapon.

I will be taking lots of pictures. Mwah ha ha ha ha…

universal emergency email address: xxxxxx.xxxxx@gmail.com. 24 hour turn-around.

Regards, and enjoy our time apart... I know I will! ;-)

Mark (who probably is not as funny as he thinks he is, but tries anyways)

Subject: Top 29 things You will Never Hear An Alberta Boy Say...

Top 29 things You will Never Hear An Alberta Boy Say.....
>29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
>28. Duct tape won't fix that.
>27. Come to think of it, screw Pilsner, I'll have a Heineken.
>26. We don't keep loaded firearms in this house.
>25. You can't feed that to the dog.
>24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
>23. Wrestling's fake.
>22. We're vegetarians.
>21. Do you think my gut is too big?
>20. I'll have grapefruit and salad instead of steak & potatoes.
>19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
>18. Who gives a damn who won the Grey Cup?
>17. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving.
>16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
>15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
>14. Trim the fat off that steak.
>13. Way to go Paul! Sign that Kyoto agreement now!
>12. The tires on that truck are too big.
>11. I've got it all backed up on the C: drive.
>10. I'm gonna buy a Ford Aerostar instead of that Dodge Diesel 4x4.
>9. My fiancée, Rose, is registered at Tiffany's.
>8. I've got two cases of Perrier for the Stanley Cup.
>7. Checkmate.
>6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
>5. Hey, here's an episode of "The Dukes of Hazard" that we haven't seen!
>4. I don't really have a favourite CFL team.
>3. Peace.
> 2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Margaret.
>
>AND NUMBER ONE....
>
>1. I'm voting Liberal this year!

FW: Your morning chuckle

From a friend who assures me that #16 does not apply to me.

 

I'm willing to believe her of course.

 

 

Subject: 16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:

 

by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative

    on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
    has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
    would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
    never; want  you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    (I wish I had!)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
    reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests

    that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
    from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
    make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,

    religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
    we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
    person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
    Built  the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out as grapes,
    and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
    into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on

Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large

elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no

recollection of what to do with them.

 

 

TREND HUNTER Magazine: AeroGarden - Grow Your Own Garden Without the Dirt

Check out the following article from TREND HUNTER Magazine:
-----------------
AeroGarden - Grow Your Own Garden Without the Dirt

http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/aerogarden-grow-your-own-garden-without-t
he-dirt/

Hey condo dwellers!  Now there is a space aged solution if you want the
satisfaction of your own herbs and greens, but you don’t have a garden. 
Plus, no dirt, no mess.

The AeroGrow AeroGarden is “A fully automated self-watering, self-feeding
farmer’s market in your kitchen. NASA proven, aeroponic technology grows
up to 5 times faster than in soil, with no dirt, weeds or mess. Now anyone
can grow herbs, tomatoes, salad greens, chili peppers, flowers, and more -
year-round, at the touch of a button. No green thumb needed. Harvest only
what you need - fresh from the garden, with no waste.”

Price = $199

*****

Salads... Riiiigggggghhhht.

Let's take dorkiness to an entirely higher level...

Ok, I'm the first to admit that I am not in the best of shape. I sit at a desk, day in and day out, in cubeville, slurping unholy amounts of coffee and getting nowhere near enough exercise. To make things worse, I'm a chronic smoker... I tend to quit for four days and smoke for three. My arteries cry out in anguish each and every time I go near the cafeteria. The headset I wear probably will cause me a brain tumour.

In short, I'm your typical, gen X technology worker.

That being said, on the weekends I tend to wander the city, on foot, blade or bike. I may not be a paragon of virtue, but damnit, I make an effort once in a while (usually whenever I find myself having to contemplate the purchase of new pants).

So that all being said, does everyone else find the prospect of off-road Segways slightly ludicrous? We're now going to traipse out into the great outdoors... to stand on a machine to take us through it's wonders... this of course assumes that you do not move too far away from a power outlet for recharging...

Pfft. Mankind is doomed.

Regards,

Mark
*wanders off to get a refill on his coffee & danish. 

Must. Stay. Positive. :-)

Well, it might be time to make this a bit more positive a blogging experience that I have made it in the past.

I almost feel guilty now for telling a friend of mine that her blog was a little too negative (no not you Sheena).

Personally, I blame my sense of humour... it's a dark and mischeivous thing that expresses itself oddly at times. ;-)

So, on the positive side:

1. I may get my dream job soon! (being forced to soon start job-hunting as one of our rivals takes a run at us... should that bid win out over the other, one can expect a layoff rate of about 80%).
2. I may be able to walk without a limp soon! (as soon as the pavement/road rash heals up from my spectacular bicycle accident on Saturday [personally, I'm questioning why I tried to dodge the skanky crack-whore who darted out into the street])
3. I may someday get to take a vacation to Alberta where my entire time is not guilted-away! (ie, planned down to a fare-thee-well by people whom are sooo freakin' good at weilding the guilt-stick).

Bring on LibertyCon... I am overdue for a shot of right-wing/libertarian-friends, things-that-go-boom!, stupidly-huge-quantities-of-booze, road-trip (10$ says we get stopped at the border).

Regards,

Mark